A Year of No Posts
About a year ago, I decided to stop posting on Instagram. For years, it had been the only social media app I regularly shared anything from my life. Every trip, every concert, every notable event. It was nice to feel connected to friends who now lived far away, and we didn't see each other much anymore. But I found myself caught in its trappings.
I never pursued having a ton of followers, but I collected them over the years. Stories initially presented a better alternative to posts when posting started to feel too much for me. No likes, they disappeared after 24 hours, and no counts to inflate or crush your ego. But soon similar features appeared. Others could now like your stories. They could reply too. And you could see who viewed them. Now stories haave become another medium to see how popular you are and track who "cares" about you.
Most of the time, it didn't affect me. But then I found myself in an unhealthy relationship, and I started checking if she viewed my posts. Wondering what her likes meant. Overanalysing her posts. Every time I posted, I was anxiously awaiting a view or a response. Or I made posts that I knew would get the reactions I wanted.
I noticed the cycle and it lead to my initial decision to stop posting. An early first step to ease my way out of that relationship. And when it finally ended, avoiding social media felt even more necessary. No way to subtly reconnect, no avenues for her to mess with my head or for me to imagine it. I used to think the cure for my anxiety was knowing as much as I could, but the real medicine lay in choosing not to know anything.
So I removed the app from my phone and limited my checks to just logging in via the browser to see messages from friends. I logged out each time to increase the friction it took to get back in. And without the app on my phone, I just never posted again.
After a year of not posting, I've been wondering if I should start posting again. I was just on a big trip and did so much cool stuff I felt an urge to share. But in my break from posting I did find myself feeling more confident and content with my life without social media. I was no longer posting to get a reaction from anyone. I was living life and not worried about getting the right photo to post later. Every photo was just for me. What was there to gain from posting? Everyone I care about already knows what I'm up to, and if they didn't I'd tell them the next time we spoke. Why do I need to get approval from this audience too?
I haven't found an answer. So maybe I'll never go back. I'll still be there checking in with friends but I no longer need it to share my life. If you want to know what's going on, just ask me. You'll learn a lot more that way anyway.
